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That Aching in the Pit of My Stomach

~W~

I hate it. I am so sick of the ache. The physically ill feeling. I love my husband more than my own life. I love my family. I cherish it. I have had it for a long time. It is all I know. And another woman has known my husband. It is so hard. I cannot even begin to explain what I feel. I have been through so much in my life. I mean, this is a private blog so I'll just say it. As a child, my parents were abusive. My uncle molested me. My home burned to the ground. I lost a baby to miscarriage....I got a very serious illness and almost died....and now this. It's really almost too much to bear. I don't understand sometimes why I must keep getting hurt. Especially by the one who was supposed to keep me safe. The fear, the uncertainty...the hope that there are not more lies. I would rather live a life alone then to hear one more lie. I'd rather lose it all, then to be lied to again. I cannot bear it. I think honesty and trust are the number ONE focus in any relationship. If you are confronted, confess. Do not continue to lie. I was made a fool of I think. I didn't want to be that woman. The only thing I have is knowing the pain, shame and guilt I know my husband feels. I want him to feel it. I want him to know the pain I feel. I want to get past this and forgive some day. I just need to know how.

2 comments:

    W - You may have felt foolish, but you were not a fool. Nothing that anyone else does can diminish you.

     
    On June 11, 2009 at 12:49 AM Eliza said...

    Hi W.
    My mom went through what u've been through. You cant help it. Trust once broken takes time to build back. U hate urself for not able to let it go..that's normal. I admire your strengh and courage to start all over again. Your husband is trying hard. Love might not enough to hold a relationship-but its a foundation of all relationship. God Bless u and family

     

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