Happily Ever After

~H~

You know, things are never easy. My wife and I have really been getting along well recently. Until today that is.... We were not even talking about our big problem. She wanted to go shopping when I got off work and I did not. Before I knew it, she said I had changed, and that I didn't want to do anything with her anymore. Where did this come from? I was tired and dirty. I felt like she was mad at me for it. Nothing I could say to her after that made a difference. I feel like if I do not do everything she asks that she takes it personal. If I don't want to do something then I don't like going places with her. If I get mad because I think she is being unreasonable, then World War III starts. I guess I don't deserve anything better. It just makes it hard to live a somewhat normal life when I feel like I have to walk on eggshells.

Now don't get me wrong. We have a very good relationship. I just hate it when she thinks I have changed. That I don't want to do things with her anymore. That our extreme closeness was short lived. I love her more than anything. I want to spend all of my time with her. I just didn't want to go shopping right after work. So, here is the lesson for today. Remember that after such an extreme betrayal, even the good times are hard. The fear of losing the strong relationship we have built is very strong in my wife. I have vowed not to argue with her. I explained myself and she listened and understood. But it did not make her feel any better.

I wish I could make her see how much I love being with her. I thought I had been showing her everyday. I guess we are just not to the point where she is confident that our relationship is stronger than before. Regardless, I will continue to love on her as much as possible. If she gets mad at me then so be it. She can be mad all she wants, but I can not stop loving her. One day she will realize how strong my regret is, and how I constantly long to be with her. I love her with all of my heart!

~W~

Yes this is a bit off topic, but seriously it bothers the hubby and I to a great degree some of the ads that come through. Most are okay because they talk about trusting again after an affair or making it through such a horrible situation. The occasional ad has come through though, actually advertising for affairs. I have seen a few that ask if you are looking and you supposedly click their ad to find it. I wish I had more control over that because I obviously do not want that on my page. I think the google bots just scan the site for key words though. So, what can I do?

On a different note my husband and I have been very close the past few days. Well we are always close these days. Our relationship has changed so much and for the better. I finally have the relationship I have always dreamed of having. I have the man I always knew I wanted but finally the loving relationship and not just being content. It took us both and a bit of love, romance and appreciation to get there. See, you can't take your spouse for granted. You can't take them for granted ever. If you've been together 1 year or 20 years you need to always show them that you appreciate them and love them. Walk up to them and out of the blue grab their face and kiss them full on. I love that by the way. Just love it and I try to do it too. There is so much more passion than there used to be. My problem was always me being 100% mommy and not giving enough to my husband. My personal feeling is I didn't have a lot of desire because there was zero romance. I am so happy to have that back now. I have it now more than I ever have. I hate saying it too because we did absolutely have a wonderful relationship before. I have always loved him and we were always so close. We drifted apart the moment our first child was born. My life became taking care of kids. His was working, working and more working. If you see yourself in this rut? My suggestion is to change it NOW...before it's too late.

~W~

Well it's still fairly early Monday morning. I am not much of a morning person but I really have no choice in the matter. I have children so I have to get up. My hubby is always gone when I get up because of work. It's nice in some ways though because he will usually send me a loving text before I leave the house. I love the way we text each other sweet messages all day. I e-mail him too and since he uses a Blackberry it's pretty much the same thing. I cannot wait for him to get home though. I do miss him when he's gone. Still you can't be together 24/7. I don't really think it's good for you to be. I do however believe right now we should spend a lot of time together. I prefer cuddling up with him on the couch watching a movie to just about anything we could do.

~W~

Things seem much better lately. Well things have been honestly great between the hubby and I. That hasn't really been the issue. I love him and I know without a doubt in my mind that he loves me. He is just not the typical guy you expect something like this from. He is not the guy that says "oh baby baby I'm sorry....now get over it." No...that is not him at all. Regardless of what things have happened between us I know this man. I think sometimes better than he knows himself. You ask yourself, then how did this happen without you knowing? Well I always knew. They honestly are not lying when they say if you feel strongly like something is going on, it probably is. I lived in strong denial but I still knew.

That said I do believe it is possible to move on and be stronger after your marriage takes a blow like this. I think we are closer and even more in love than ever. Many things have transpired between us since he got off the road. Our relationship has grown and we are much more attentive to each other than ever. I think we became content. He may have been lonely or feeling older and unattractive, or whatever but I guarantee I felt those same things. I just didn't look at finding another man as an answer to those problems. I looked to him for the assurance I need. I have changed too. I am more confident, strong and sure of myself than ever. I have become a very strong woman in the past few years. Many things have forced me to be but I know I am capable of doing whatever I need to do in my life to survive. I can and I do. I really feel like the power is mine now. I don't look to anyone else to make my life what I want it to be. It's up to me and only me.

I firmly believe my husband and I will be together forever. I know I'll never leave him unless he messed up again and I can say with zero doubt that I know he will not. The pain this has caused is so NOT worth it. Any man or woman out there who may be unhappy in their marriage who is considering something like this or if you see yourself kind of going in that direction....STOP. It's not worth it. Ask yourself a few questions. Do you want your marriage to eventually fail? If you do this, it takes that power away from you because chances are if you proceed it will fail. What if your marriage starts to get better? Then you have this secret, this terrible lie in your past. I have to say as well there is a good chance you'll get caught. It seems the *other woman* or the *other man* like to tell. Eventually they can't take it anymore and tell someone or even the one cheated on and it gets back to them. Adultery feels like death. I can say as the person it happened to it felt like someone died. I mourned and grieved as though someone did. It felt no different. Do not stoop so low. If you want out of your marriage DO IT FIRST. Do not cheat. It hurts worse. If even one person is thinking about this, and reads this and changes their mind....then I have done what I sought out to do. I'd like to save even one person this pain. And if you are the one who decided not to do it, I'd like to give you a big hug! It's hard to avoid temptation. I know it. I realize it. Especially when you aren't getting out of your current relationship what you want. Do not be a stereotype because in the end that's all you'll be. Another cheater. That's it. Another statistic. Don't do it.

Now that my sermon has ended, (HA!) I am going to go drop some Entrecards and enjoy this weekend with my husband.

Yes, and that is totally what I mean. It was over a month before my husband and I were able to make love again after I found out. I had obviously done it a whole lot of times after it had happened. Even right after it happened because I did not know. It was one thing I felt very betrayed by. I have a choice as to whether or not I want to touch him after something like this. I should have been allowed that choice. He says he felt the guilt and remorse immediately and was very ashamed. He had to block it out to be with me and honestly I do understand that because it is what I must do now. I try to just think about us and the moment and not other things. It's not always easy to do, but one thing I will not allow is her into my bedroom. My time with my husband is special and wonderful and needs to stay that way for us to get better. Milestones were made last night and though I can't help but compare myself I don't have much doubt about my ability. I do try to please and know I am good at what I do. Conceited? haha No...just confident and I think you need to be. It helps me not to feel like I am not good enough. I can't allow myself to feel that way. Sex is very important in a healthy marriage. Otherwise you just become roommates, right? Well I do not need a roommate. I have never had complaints about my sex life. I am very satisfied and I feel so close and in love with my husband during those times. I wonder what tonight might bring?

~H~

Well, she was right. I was getting on to write tonight. I can see that I have been falling behind because the last few posts were from her. My life has been really busy right now. As you can see from my wife's posts, my job has been occupying a lot of my time and thoughts. Anyone who has ever had to fire someone can see my point. I would rather have to fire people than to lay them off. At least when you fire someone it is normally because they did something wrong. When you have layoffs, you take good people and take their income from them. People who have always done what you ask and maybe you have even become friends with. I hate the economy.

I am fortunate that my wife understands how hard this has been on me. She really is great support to help keep my spirits up. I know I don't deserve her. We have been progressing pretty slow recently. Sometimes it feels like we are moving backwards. I hate answering her questions because with every word I am hurting her. I want nothing more than for her pain to go away. I love her so much and I can't stand knowing that she is hurting inside because of me. I guess I should have thought about that before I did anything wrong.

I wonder if she will ever get past this. If I thought she would be tortured for life by staying with me, I would let her go. It would kill me, but I can't be selfish. I pray to God everyday to help us get through this. I want our relationship to be perfect or at least to continue without flawed thoughts. I would ask people to pray for us. We can use all the help we can get. I pray that it is in God's grace to help my wife forgive me.

~W~

Hello to all and sorry about the absence from the blog. Things have been busy but I am back here and ready to get to it. In the business world a lot of layoffs have been happening. It's really stinks but luckily we haven't had to worry about that. At least we hope we never have to. There is always that chance so we don't let ourselves take anything for granted. Unfortunately though it is my husband's job to lay others off. He has to do the dirty work. He does not like it but it's his job. He hates destroying someone's hopes. I see what a terrible day he has at work and then of course our issues on top of it causes a whole lot of stress. We both say it should be the best time in our relationship and it really would be if we didn't have this *thing* hanging over our heads. I have to be able to move past this and the thoughts and honestly much of the time I feel like I never will be able to. I honestly would love to hear from anyone who has come out of a relationship that succeeded after an affair. I need to hear from the person who did it...and the guilt and remorse maybe they felt or the reasons they did it. I need to know that this does not mean the end. It does not mean he didn't love me. It just means he was an idiot. That's what I must hope. I hear it....but I mean the only one I have to put my faith in is the one who destroyed my faith to begin with. It's hard...but I love him and believe he has changed. So instead of rushing off to divorce I work at having that relationship we were always supposed to have. It's very frustrating because I do not think of us this way. We were always better than this. Or so I thought. We have another counseling session tomorrow. I think hubby may post tonight too, so stay tuned.