The Short and not so Sweet of it!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009 by Soul Mates 95
~H~
I felt it appropriate to comment after my wife's post. I think she pretty much said it all. The pain that she deals with is the cause for 90% of mine. Seeing what I have put her through is killing me. Then to think that it is my fault, is almost to much to bear. I love my wife so incredibly much. Every time I see her thinking to herself (and I can tell) I feel like I might as well be stabbing her in the heart. Knowing that her pain is caused by me makes me feel no different than a murderer.
I guess this would be some advice again for anyone in my position. Think about what your actions will do to the one you love. Would you cause physical harm on your spouse? If not, then be sure to not inflict mental harm on them either. As I watch her get upset and begin to see how she is feeling, I want to bury my head in the ground. The sorrow and shame of it all will cause you more pain than I know I ever wanted to bring on myself. That is just what I did too. I stabbed her and then I stabbed myself (figuratively speaking).
So, is this something that time can repair? Would she be better off without me? Am I being selfish by begging her to stay with me when she might get over it sooner if she left me? These are the questions I ask myself everyday. Don't get me wrong, it would kill me if she left. I honestly do not know how I would get through it without her. I can no longer be selfish. She stays with me because she wants to. Not because she has to. The decision is hers and I thank God everyday that he allows me one more minute with her. Enjoy the time you have with the one you love. Cherish every minute and bask in the memories you have created. There is nothing in the world that could ever make this pain worth it. I would take it from her 10 fold if I could. Instead I must just be strong for her. I must support her and help her in anyway I can. I thank her for giving Us the chance to get through this, together.
I felt it appropriate to comment after my wife's post. I think she pretty much said it all. The pain that she deals with is the cause for 90% of mine. Seeing what I have put her through is killing me. Then to think that it is my fault, is almost to much to bear. I love my wife so incredibly much. Every time I see her thinking to herself (and I can tell) I feel like I might as well be stabbing her in the heart. Knowing that her pain is caused by me makes me feel no different than a murderer.
I guess this would be some advice again for anyone in my position. Think about what your actions will do to the one you love. Would you cause physical harm on your spouse? If not, then be sure to not inflict mental harm on them either. As I watch her get upset and begin to see how she is feeling, I want to bury my head in the ground. The sorrow and shame of it all will cause you more pain than I know I ever wanted to bring on myself. That is just what I did too. I stabbed her and then I stabbed myself (figuratively speaking).
So, is this something that time can repair? Would she be better off without me? Am I being selfish by begging her to stay with me when she might get over it sooner if she left me? These are the questions I ask myself everyday. Don't get me wrong, it would kill me if she left. I honestly do not know how I would get through it without her. I can no longer be selfish. She stays with me because she wants to. Not because she has to. The decision is hers and I thank God everyday that he allows me one more minute with her. Enjoy the time you have with the one you love. Cherish every minute and bask in the memories you have created. There is nothing in the world that could ever make this pain worth it. I would take it from her 10 fold if I could. Instead I must just be strong for her. I must support her and help her in anyway I can. I thank her for giving Us the chance to get through this, together.
