Happily Ever After

~W~


What is perfect anyway right? I think if we try to make ourselves believe that we need to be perfect that we'll always fall short. I know without a doubt my husband and I will still argue. We did a bit last night. It was nothing major. I said something about the situation and he sounded a bit defensive which let me tell you just turns on an instant switch in my brain that says "How dare he?" Well I come down off that pedestal after awhile and realize it's only human nature to feel defensive. We defend our own actions especially if they are bad. He knows what he did was wrong, for whatever reason it was done. Dwelling on the why of it has just plagued me but I do try to give myself time to just not think about it. I do it for me and no one else. I cannot possibly live thinking of it all day long. It tortures me. It took me awhile to let myself believe it was ok to not think of it for awhile. It's really difficult. I believe we do have a very good relationship. He quickly apologized for being defensive and I admit I was still kind of steamed. I love him more than life though. I know he is very confused by it all as well.

I don't think it's healthy to say you have the perfect relationship because that's when you stop getting better. You have achieved all there is. Well I know for a fact I have so much more to get from my relationship and to give. I have always imagined growing old with this man. I'll love every single wrinkle, as long as I am with him.

~W~

We have our next marriage counseling session tomorrow. I think I need it right now. I can't let anger outweigh my love for my husband. As long as he has been totally honest with me I know I can forgive him in time. I also know if there were any more lies it would be impossible. I think the hardest part is rebuilding trust. Without trust it is impossible to have a successful marriage. I cannot allow myself to be close to someone whom I cannot believe a word that comes out of their mouth. It will be hard to trust again. I am scared to trust and let go. It's still very fresh for me. I finally have the love and devotion I always dreamed of in a marriage and this thing hanging over our heads is trying to steal it from us. I don't want to let it happen. I know without a doubt I myself will always be faithful and honest with my husband. All I expect in return is that same respect. No more lies. No more creating stories to cover your tracks. Just the truth.