Happily Ever After

~W~

The hubby has been working hard lately. He has had so much going on at work, especially now with all the economic troubles there are. It's really hit him hard and he is so tired and stressed out. I hate that the stress we are going through is only adding to it. He got home tonight and we ate. He then sat on the couch with his laptop. I sat on the couch opposite him. I looked over and there he was, dozing off at his laptop. It's just simple times like this when you see the person you love just sitting there unaware that you are watching them that the love inside of you swells. I do love him so much. I see him tired after a long day of work and I am proud of him for all he has done. I do believe that one wrong deed should not erase a lifetime of good deeds. It feels as though this one thing has done just that. He has always been a good man and this situation has taught him a lesson I think. Now all the little ways he may have ever fallen short he has now made up for. He has seen his faults and helped me to see mine. I really see us getting so much better.

And to think I get all this from watching him sleep.

~W~


My husband and I are definitely doing better. I am pretty much over the shock though sometimes it will hit me again out of nowhere. I am not as angry as I was, though sometimes I will have a thought that does enrage me. What I hate now is the constant thoughts of her. The other woman. I think about my husband with her literally all day long. I think of how he could do it. I think of how our problems were not that bad yet. I mean they got worse during and after the affair then slowly got better after he began to feel the regret,and remorse over what he did. I knew he changed. I saw him go through a major depression but I couldn't figure out why. By that time I was shutting him out. I held onto a lot of bitterness for how he had treated me during that time. He had changed, become more distant. He didn't care any more about things that I did. Now, we are closer than we have ever been. We are addressing the issues that need to be addressed and really having a relationship. He is a different man entirely and I have grown and become much stronger over the years. Still, I cannot ever stop thinking of them together. I think of how it happened, why he didn't think of me. What made him say yes? Why didn't he say "No, I am married." What flaws did I have that made him just throw caution to the wind? Is my life a waste? Did I put all this time and effort into a marriage where the one person whom I should trust with my life disrespects me in such a way? And what does this woman think of me? I know she had never seen what I looked like until she found me on myspace. Oh yes. She added ME to her myspace before I knew for sure what happened. I had accused her before, but she denied it, years went by then she added me and tried to add my husband!!! So she sees pictures of me and frankly I am not what you'd expect. I am thin, in shape and dress myself up. I am very girly and get hit on all the time. It's really not about my own insecurity. This girl was really tall, much bigger than me. I am so confused by what my husband wants sometimes. It eats me alive. I don't want to live my life feeling like I do not measure up. I don't want to think I am lacking something he secretly desires. I try to be everything to him. I am no prude. I love him and always have. I have my flaws. MANY of them. I am not perfect and have made my fair share of mistakes. Isn't that what marriage is though? Do we not love each other for better or for worse? I mean, what could I do to stop this? And I do not think it was anything special about this girl. I think frankly she was there and put the moves on him. She could have been anyone which really does NOT make me feel better. So...yes I could go on. My thoughts are not good. I am so very stressed and just want to live a peaceful, happy stress free life. I do not think it will ever be possible. This is my marriage. This is it. I love him so much and I so wish this is not something I ever had to deal with in life.

Marriage Quote for the Day:

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day.

Barbara De Angelis
American Expert on Relationship & Love, Author




~W~


Well it's Monday. I spent a wonderful weekend with my hubby. We did some shopping with the kids. I stopped by the salon and got some great stuff for my hair. I get excited about the littlest things. I am longing for spring. The temps are just too cold for me right now. With March just around the corner I am getting so anxious. I have seen snow in April many times but I'm hoping this year is not one of them.

Hubby and I are doing well I think. I think all marriages come with their issues. I don't think you can blindly go through life thinking your relationship will be perfect with no bumps along the way. Most will not be affected by something so serious as infidelity but there are things that can occur in a marriage that you need to work on. Arguing is normal. Perhaps we just need to remind ourselves even in the biggest argument that it is NOT the end of the world. It does not mean divorce. You get through it and once the fight is over you might just be closer than you were before. I have learned that life is full of struggles but each time you overcome one, you get a little bit stronger. My life has been full of struggle. There really is no doubt but I am starting to wonder if perhaps things might not get a little bit easier now. I sure hope so.