Monday, April 13, 2009 by Soul Mates 95
We had a good Easter with some family. I enjoyed myself and so did my family. I wish the hubby had more time off. I really wish we could get away together as I think it would do us some good but with the kids it's practically impossible. We can get away for a night maybe but that's about it.
Anyway I wanted to again address a couple of comments we got recently. There was a comment made about why this whole thing happened and if my husband didn't figure out why that it would happen again. We agree with needing to know why (not that it will happen again) but also really feel we know why. Number one, he was one the road. Being lonely, and suddenly living with NO family for 5 weeks straight made him do a very stupid thing. Lonely is a poor excuse but I think all the time he was on the road, making friends at this job and then going out and drinking which is what they always did made him just feel like a bachelor. I personally think he started feeling single and felt free.
I am very hurt by this because while he felt that way I was home alone with our children. He was out being free and I was being more of a parent than ever because I was now on my own. He didn't allow me to go out. He seriously put his foot down and I found we fought about this a lot. I think now it was out of his own guilty conscience that he didn't want me to go out. He knew if he could do this, so could I. It's so selfish to think this way but I feel those who cheat often do. They want both. They want their cake and they want to eat it too. You just cannot have it both ways. It's not fair to anyone involved.
We are seeing a marriage counselor and we have discussed all the whys and what fors. I think plain and simple he was an idiot. He destroyed me with these actions and I am dealing with it every single day. I love him and I want this to work. I want our family to work. I will put everything into keep us working. Our relationship really is better than ever and we do realize the faults we both had in our marriage.
I must state strictly that I do not feel it is EVER justifiable to cheat. No matter what is wrong in your relationship. Fix it or get out. Adultery is like murder. It killed me and it kills anyone who has this happen to them. You don't ever have a right to break your marriage vows. For better or for worse! If you feel neglected, or if you feel things are not going right then work it out! Go to a marriage counselor, discuss it with your partner, let them know your thoughts and how serious you are but it is a total cop out to just go and find someone new without letting anyone else in on that bit of information. I was replaced and had no clue. I was replaced and never had a say in the matter. I guarantee you, I wouldn't have shared and I'd rather he have left me for my mistakes.
Though my biggest faults were being an obsessive mother and possibly neglecting him in the process. I could come back and say I was neglected too. He didn't like all the time I wanted to be with the kids and I didn't like all the time he wanted to go out. I got left home a lot. He felt I didn't want to go out with him, I felt he didn't want to stay home with us. You see the pattern? I do and so does he. We have compromised. I am not an obsessive mother anymore. I have relaxed and we do most things together now. Things are so much better now that we are open and aware of the issues we had. I regret not having this with him before. I regret not putting my foot down and making him see how I felt and I know he does too. I think we have equal responsibility in the where our relationship went wrong, but I will never blame myself for his decision to cheat. That is just like I said, inexcusable. There are much better ways to deal with things.