Happily Ever After

I recently received a comment saying the Entrecard Widget was covered by an ad. In my Firefox browser I could always see the widget so I never thought there was a problem. I changed the ad location and type and moved it so I am hoping this resolves any issues anyone has with dropping their entrecard on this blog. If there are any further problems please leave us a comment and let us know! Thank you to the commenter who brought this to my attention.

~W~


In answer to a previous comment, no I am not upset that my husband discusses this on a blog. It was mostly my idea for us to use this outlet to help our situation. You see, if I believe in anything it is 100% honesty and just putting yourself out there to have outside opinion and thoughts on a situation. Obviously we have to do this anonymously but since we can't exactly go to family and friends and say "is he right?" "what do we do here?" We use this as a place to communicate with each other. We don't just communicate here obviously but it is a safe place. Sometimes it's easier to say things in the written word than out loud. Where I might take something the wrong way that he says out loud I don't so much when he is typing it out. I also felt it was sort of a way for him to confess it to the world without really having to do so.

We see a counselor but really I do this alone. My husband was always a great man. He was the guy who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it. He is a hard worker and has held down two jobs to make ends meet for his family. So you can imagine all of my family and his thinks he is the perfect husband. And he always really was for the most part. He was a dedicated family man. Sometimes it aggravates me because I have no one to talk to. I can talk to him but obviously it's not enough. It's nice to have an outside ear on occasion.

As for not calling the other woman "the witch", well you have to understand it's a symbol only. We do not like to call her by her first name as the sound of it is like a knife stabbing me in the heart. I liked hearing my husband talk of her in a way that wasn't kind. I could care less if he hates her or he doesn't hate her. It's not relevant. The time that he was with her was the one time frame in his life that he lost his damn mind. I have no trouble referring to her this way for many reasons. It could be the fact that I confronted her in 2006 and she ignored me for a month. I finally confronted her again and she denied it all, even calling herself a good person who wouldn't do that because she knows how it feels. I asked her to not contact my husband ever again. I never got a reply but after that there was no contact. I have access to all phone numbers and e-mails so I know this to be true.

Then for some reason this past year I was contacted by her myself. She sent me a friends request on a popular social network. Now...please tell me why she would do this? I have asked her to stay away. I do not know her. I have never met her. I wondered what her motive was so I approved it, waiting for her to say something. She didn't. She just sent my husband a friends request the next day. I realized he doesn't have his name listed on this site so for her to find him she HAD to add me. I was private. I was her only route to him. And she used me to get to him. Four years after he told her he couldn't do it because he needed to work on his relationship she did this. She was getting married. I think she must have wanted him to know she was marrying the guy she had been engaged to while she was having her thing with my husband. Yes...she was engaged. She was living with her fiance. And she did this. So I have no sympathy for her. I have no problem at all hating this woman. I think one day maybe the hate will fade and I'll no longer care. That day has not yet arrived. There is more this woman did. My husband ignored her friends requests. He didn't add her knowing what my suspicions had been all these years. I think he was terrified I would find out because yes he had lied all these years. Then some even more terrible things happened but ultimately I found out in a very very bad way. I can't even begin to explain the distasteful way I was told. I can't go into it here or others might catch on to who I am. So....I leave it at that. I was shown hatred. I was shown no respect as a mother, a wife. I have been married to my husband for 13 years. I have been with this man for 15 years and have known him since I was around 14 years of age. I love him. He did a dumb thing that almost destroyed everything we have worked so hard for all our lives. I don't get it. I don't understand it. I don't know why he would do it or why she might ever be worth it. I don't know. I really rack my brain trying to figure it out and there are just no answers. I will forgive, forget and move on someday. I am not there yet. You see...I found out a few months ago...but it's not just the affair. It's the years of lying. It's the promising me that nothing had happened. It's the letting me contact her and humiliate myself when he could have just confessed. It's so much more. There is so much more to forgive and to let go of. I do however believe it will happen. I believe that one day we will put this behind us and my husband will begin living that life of the perfect husband or at least trying anyway...since none of us will ever really be perfect. This place is healing for us. This blog is healing for us. We are your normal average family with kids, lots of love and your major issues. Not one family member or friend has a clue what's going on with us. I regularly hear from others how great my husband is and how lucky I am. Well, it's true. I am lucky. I love this man and I love everything about him but this one stupid part of his life. I always did. I always will.

~H~

I got some really interesting comments from my last post. I do appreciate your comments so please keep them coming. On the other side, I believe that I should explain myself due to the fact that some things were obviously taken out of context.

Ms. Very Stupid - Of course I hate the other woman. Am I supposed to not? I am not blaming her for what happened, you are correct. It is my fault and mine alone! I have taken full blame for everything that has happened from the beginning. OK, what I did was wrong. My issue with her is that after I broke it off with her, she would not let it go. She did terrible things to intentionally hurt my wife years after everything was over. I know there is probably a lot that we have not gone in to detail on. To be honest I really don't feel like going in to a lot of detail on it either. All I will say is this. I made a mistake and tried to repair my relationship. She tried to keep that from happening, and that I blame her for. My wife knows what the "other woman" looks like. So the fact that I say she is not attractive is no surprise to her. I was just making general comments about how I feel. I guarantee anyone else in my position would feel the same way. I will say again, in no way did I mean to come across as blaming her. What happened is my fault.

Laane - Me referring to the "other woman" as the witch is just in place of using her name. I do not like referring to her by name because my Wife can't stand the sight or sound of it. When we talk about it, we always refer to her as something besides her name because we don't want to speak it. I chose "the Witch" just for something to call her. I believe some of what I wrote above should help you understand why I have hatred towards her. I do appreciate the comment about respecting myself. This is something that I do have a problem with. I never thought of myself as someone with a lack of self respect. Maybe I didn't have before everything happened. I guarantee I do now. You said that there are ways to deal with this situation. I would love to hear suggestions. My Wife and I are really trying. I believe that we are doing good, but anything that could help us more would be welcome.

I want to thank both commenter's for what they said. My Wife was afraid that I would be upset. On the contrary, I look for help. I am trying to be a better person for my wife, family and myself. I would never get mad at a comment. I do feel that some of what I said was taken the wrong way. Maybe I didn't state things well enough in my earlier post. Either way, I apologize if I came off as blaming someone else for what I did. I hope you have read some of my earlier posts. I feel that I have always taken the blame on myself. I want to thank both of the individuals who left comments for supporting us in our journey to beat the odds. To show that if a person is truly repentant, that they can make it past this. That they can repair what they have broken, and someday, maybe even be forgiven.

~H~

Whether it refers to the movie Annie or the new Jay Z song, it is still relevant. Life is never easy. Everyday that goes by while I watch my Wife dealing with this is terrible. They say that life is what you make it. In this case, my Wife's life is what I have made of it. I have taken everything she loved about being alive and crushed it under my foot. I have destroyed her in a way that no other person on the planet could have. This time in our life should be some of the best. Instead, because of me, it is one of the worst times in our lives. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help. I love her so much but there is nothing I can say or do that will take her pain away. A pain that I have caused her. I feel like I could write a book on how terrible this is.

I tell myself on a regular basis that maybe she would be better off without me. That the only reason she didn't leave me is because I begged her to stay. Was that just another selfish act on my part? Am I wrong for wanting her to give me a second chance? Does someone in my position deserve a second chance? I would do anything to make it so that she doesn't hurt over this anymore. I guess I should have thought about that sooner.

One of the things that haunts my wife is the feelings that I had for the other woman. No matter what I say, it will not help the way she feels because she knows that there must have been some sort of feelings for her at the time. I wish I could explain my feelings to myself yet alone my Wife.

I hate the woman I had the affair with. I will refer to her as the "Witch" from here on out. I hate her with every ounce of my being. I was weak and allowed myself to be manipulated by her. The strange thing I guess is that she is so much unlike my wife. My wife is a beautiful, exciting woman with a great body. The Witch is over 6' tall and well over 200lbs. She had an OK personality but was not attractive in the face. I have never been the one to go after larger girls. My wife is rather small and that is how I like them. If anything, this just confirmed to me how much I prefer smaller girls. I did what I did with her and I could not take it back. The relationship continued for a few weeks because I was to much of a coward to call it off. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I didn't consider the fact that I was killing my wife at the same time. Why Why Why!!!! I am so angry at myself. I had no feelings for the Witch. It began as sort of a minor friendship that turned into something terrible. Why did I care so much about hurting her feelings that I was willing to throw my entire life away.

I love my wife. She is so incredibly beautiful. I will watch her when she isn't paying attention and just admire her so much. She is so strong. The past few days have been really hard on her. She has all these questions that have no answers. I want to take away her pain. I can guarantee that there is no person in the world that loves their wife more than I love mine. She is everything I could ever want or desire. When she is happy, she gets this twinkle in her eye and the most beautiful smile. She can melt my heart with a slight glance. I miss her even though she is still here. I just want our closeness back. I want to be able to live our lives the way we should, without this hanging over our heads haunting us. I will just continue to show her how much I love her. She is my life and soul!

~W~

Sometimes it is difficult to find that special quality time together. We do have our own things to do but I think it is very important to set aside time for your spouse. You may not feel like it's a big deal if you are on the computer and he is watching his favorite TV show as long as you are both at home but it is a big deal and you are setting yourself up for disaster. You cannot just coexist with your spouse or partner. You really do have to make time for each other. You need to keep the romance alive. Remember why you love this person in the first place and do not let "life" get in the way. The past couple of nights I didn't get too much time with the hubby. It's not really any one's fault. He was very tired after work last night and fell asleep on the couch. I just let him because I know he's had a hard day but then when I go to sleep I feel totally ripped off. I need close time with my husband. Honestly it helps keep bad thoughts away too. Sometimes it is the only thing that helps. Make time for each other. Never forget why and how you fell in love. Too often people forget that and it IS important. If you can remember what was the attraction to begin with you may not be so willing to just throw it all away.

~W~


What is perfect anyway right? I think if we try to make ourselves believe that we need to be perfect that we'll always fall short. I know without a doubt my husband and I will still argue. We did a bit last night. It was nothing major. I said something about the situation and he sounded a bit defensive which let me tell you just turns on an instant switch in my brain that says "How dare he?" Well I come down off that pedestal after awhile and realize it's only human nature to feel defensive. We defend our own actions especially if they are bad. He knows what he did was wrong, for whatever reason it was done. Dwelling on the why of it has just plagued me but I do try to give myself time to just not think about it. I do it for me and no one else. I cannot possibly live thinking of it all day long. It tortures me. It took me awhile to let myself believe it was ok to not think of it for awhile. It's really difficult. I believe we do have a very good relationship. He quickly apologized for being defensive and I admit I was still kind of steamed. I love him more than life though. I know he is very confused by it all as well.

I don't think it's healthy to say you have the perfect relationship because that's when you stop getting better. You have achieved all there is. Well I know for a fact I have so much more to get from my relationship and to give. I have always imagined growing old with this man. I'll love every single wrinkle, as long as I am with him.

~W~

The hubby has been working hard lately. He has had so much going on at work, especially now with all the economic troubles there are. It's really hit him hard and he is so tired and stressed out. I hate that the stress we are going through is only adding to it. He got home tonight and we ate. He then sat on the couch with his laptop. I sat on the couch opposite him. I looked over and there he was, dozing off at his laptop. It's just simple times like this when you see the person you love just sitting there unaware that you are watching them that the love inside of you swells. I do love him so much. I see him tired after a long day of work and I am proud of him for all he has done. I do believe that one wrong deed should not erase a lifetime of good deeds. It feels as though this one thing has done just that. He has always been a good man and this situation has taught him a lesson I think. Now all the little ways he may have ever fallen short he has now made up for. He has seen his faults and helped me to see mine. I really see us getting so much better.

And to think I get all this from watching him sleep.