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Hard Knock Life


Whether it refers to the movie Annie or the new Jay Z song, it is still relevant. Life is never easy. Everyday that goes by while I watch my Wife dealing with this is terrible. They say that life is what you make it. In this case, my Wife's life is what I have made of it. I have taken everything she loved about being alive and crushed it under my foot. I have destroyed her in a way that no other person on the planet could have. This time in our life should be some of the best. Instead, because of me, it is one of the worst times in our lives. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help. I love her so much but there is nothing I can say or do that will take her pain away. A pain that I have caused her. I feel like I could write a book on how terrible this is.

I tell myself on a regular basis that maybe she would be better off without me. That the only reason she didn't leave me is because I begged her to stay. Was that just another selfish act on my part? Am I wrong for wanting her to give me a second chance? Does someone in my position deserve a second chance? I would do anything to make it so that she doesn't hurt over this anymore. I guess I should have thought about that sooner.

One of the things that haunts my wife is the feelings that I had for the other woman. No matter what I say, it will not help the way she feels because she knows that there must have been some sort of feelings for her at the time. I wish I could explain my feelings to myself yet alone my Wife.

I hate the woman I had the affair with. I will refer to her as the "Witch" from here on out. I hate her with every ounce of my being. I was weak and allowed myself to be manipulated by her. The strange thing I guess is that she is so much unlike my wife. My wife is a beautiful, exciting woman with a great body. The Witch is over 6' tall and well over 200lbs. She had an OK personality but was not attractive in the face. I have never been the one to go after larger girls. My wife is rather small and that is how I like them. If anything, this just confirmed to me how much I prefer smaller girls. I did what I did with her and I could not take it back. The relationship continued for a few weeks because I was to much of a coward to call it off. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I didn't consider the fact that I was killing my wife at the same time. Why Why Why!!!! I am so angry at myself. I had no feelings for the Witch. It began as sort of a minor friendship that turned into something terrible. Why did I care so much about hurting her feelings that I was willing to throw my entire life away.

I love my wife. She is so incredibly beautiful. I will watch her when she isn't paying attention and just admire her so much. She is so strong. The past few days have been really hard on her. She has all these questions that have no answers. I want to take away her pain. I can guarantee that there is no person in the world that loves their wife more than I love mine. She is everything I could ever want or desire. When she is happy, she gets this twinkle in her eye and the most beautiful smile. She can melt my heart with a slight glance. I miss her even though she is still here. I just want our closeness back. I want to be able to live our lives the way we should, without this hanging over our heads haunting us. I will just continue to show her how much I love her. She is my life and soul!


    i hope you make it up to her ^^


    A healthy amount of guilt is important in a situation like this, but, be careful to not let it take you over. You can just as easily destroy a marriage with guilt as you can with the infidelity that caused it. It can eat you up to the point of neglecting the relationship. Move forward.


    Why call the other woman a witch?
    You were both in it and you decided to go for her.

    So why throw her on the floor and trample on her?

    The way you disrespected your wife is now clear to you.

    But you should work on respecting yourself, the people you chose and life's lessons.

    I can understand you feel guilty and despaired.
    But it's you who made the choice to go for it.
    Now it's about your wife.

    There are ways to deal with this situation.

    I hope it works out.


    What???? You HATE the other woman??? Are you kidding me? OK. I really like the fact that you are trying, but the other woman isn't the problem. It could have been ANY woman. The other woman was just a symptom of a bigger issue with YOU. Now you think that putting the other woman down is right? It isn't her fault that YOU broke the vows YOU took! It isn't her fault that YOU were able to get it up enough to be with her physically! She isn't a rapist! You made a choice. You shouldn't hate her. YOU are the one who cheated. That other chick doesn't know your wife (ummm......well....I hope). That other woman didn't make any vows to your wife. That other woman isn't the one who built a life with your wife. YOU are. That other woman shouldn't be the one you blame. SHE probably cared about you too! The other woman was just a symptom of a big hole inside of you. A void you tried to fill with the wrong thing.I hope you do make it up to your wife, but you shouldn't pour even ounce of blame that other woman's way. She didn't force you into anything. As for manipulating you? Well, its kind of hard for a woman to make a man get it going if he doesn't want too. You made a choice. Don't blame that other chick for it. Your wife deserves better. The thought of you cheating with someone who isn't as attractive or nice as your wife isn't appealing. Men say things like that to make the woman feel better, but it doesn't. Instead it makes us think of how you would throw away your relationship for someone that you considered less than. It shows that you would basically do it with anyone - good looking or bad, better looking or not. That isn't a great thought for any woman - especially a woman who still truly loves you!


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