Needs Being Met
Monday, March 9, 2009 by Soul Mates 95
~W~
Some comments stand out to me and one I received today happens to be one of those. It said something along the lines of if my husbands needs were all being met this would not have happened. I understand that in a relationship if it goes south normally it involves both parties. What you must understand about our relationship is (and if you read back far enough in our blog you'll see) that our relationship was pretty good before he started traveling for work. He became married to his job. He left for several weeks at a time, we never saw each other. I tried and tried to call him and he frequently was too busy for me. I felt neglected and unimportant. I just wanted him home but I could feel him pulling away from me. Our talks on the phone turned into arguing about money or stupid things. I felt constantly defensive because of how I handled things at home. I stayed home with my three children while he traveled. I always tried my best to meet my husbands needs.
Truth be told my needs were not being met. I was lonely. I had no one. I didn't go anywhere or do anything besides stare at the walls and take care of kids. I love my husband dearly but at that time in his life he saw things very one sided. He went out with friends, joined a baseball team, had drinks at bars because he was alone on the road. I couldn't go out because I had to take care of the kids. Literally he did not allow me to go out. He told me no. If I argued it turned into a huge fight..and he still did what he wanted and I still stayed home. I needed my time out but didn't get it. I needed love and affection but did not get it. I wanted my husband more than anything but did not get it. So whose needs were being met?
I am not nor have I ever been perfect. I have a large list of faults as we all do. My biggest fault would be at times in our marriage putting more care into our children then what he got. I tend to fuss over the kids and I know he needs some fussing too. I have addressed the things I did wrong. I have questioned my faults.
It all comes down to one thing in the end. When does our faults ever justify cheating? Is it okay for him to stray when things get a little tough at home? What happened to for better or for worse? I could have cheated too and tried to justify it because I was so alone and neglected but that's just dumb. I made vows and I knew from the start it would be work. I knew it wouldn't be all sunshine and roses. I think it's selfish to think otherwise. I cannot worry every time we argue or he's not feeling happy that he'll cheat. That's not how a marriage works and if it was? Then I'd want no part of it. I would be more content alone rather than putting my heart up on a chopping block.
Some comments stand out to me and one I received today happens to be one of those. It said something along the lines of if my husbands needs were all being met this would not have happened. I understand that in a relationship if it goes south normally it involves both parties. What you must understand about our relationship is (and if you read back far enough in our blog you'll see) that our relationship was pretty good before he started traveling for work. He became married to his job. He left for several weeks at a time, we never saw each other. I tried and tried to call him and he frequently was too busy for me. I felt neglected and unimportant. I just wanted him home but I could feel him pulling away from me. Our talks on the phone turned into arguing about money or stupid things. I felt constantly defensive because of how I handled things at home. I stayed home with my three children while he traveled. I always tried my best to meet my husbands needs.
Truth be told my needs were not being met. I was lonely. I had no one. I didn't go anywhere or do anything besides stare at the walls and take care of kids. I love my husband dearly but at that time in his life he saw things very one sided. He went out with friends, joined a baseball team, had drinks at bars because he was alone on the road. I couldn't go out because I had to take care of the kids. Literally he did not allow me to go out. He told me no. If I argued it turned into a huge fight..and he still did what he wanted and I still stayed home. I needed my time out but didn't get it. I needed love and affection but did not get it. I wanted my husband more than anything but did not get it. So whose needs were being met?
I am not nor have I ever been perfect. I have a large list of faults as we all do. My biggest fault would be at times in our marriage putting more care into our children then what he got. I tend to fuss over the kids and I know he needs some fussing too. I have addressed the things I did wrong. I have questioned my faults.
It all comes down to one thing in the end. When does our faults ever justify cheating? Is it okay for him to stray when things get a little tough at home? What happened to for better or for worse? I could have cheated too and tried to justify it because I was so alone and neglected but that's just dumb. I made vows and I knew from the start it would be work. I knew it wouldn't be all sunshine and roses. I think it's selfish to think otherwise. I cannot worry every time we argue or he's not feeling happy that he'll cheat. That's not how a marriage works and if it was? Then I'd want no part of it. I would be more content alone rather than putting my heart up on a chopping block.
