Reply to commenter's!
Monday, March 30, 2009 by Soul Mates 95
~H~
I got some really interesting comments from my last post. I do appreciate your comments so please keep them coming. On the other side, I believe that I should explain myself due to the fact that some things were obviously taken out of context.
Ms. Very Stupid - Of course I hate the other woman. Am I supposed to not? I am not blaming her for what happened, you are correct. It is my fault and mine alone! I have taken full blame for everything that has happened from the beginning. OK, what I did was wrong. My issue with her is that after I broke it off with her, she would not let it go. She did terrible things to intentionally hurt my wife years after everything was over. I know there is probably a lot that we have not gone in to detail on. To be honest I really don't feel like going in to a lot of detail on it either. All I will say is this. I made a mistake and tried to repair my relationship. She tried to keep that from happening, and that I blame her for. My wife knows what the "other woman" looks like. So the fact that I say she is not attractive is no surprise to her. I was just making general comments about how I feel. I guarantee anyone else in my position would feel the same way. I will say again, in no way did I mean to come across as blaming her. What happened is my fault.
Laane - Me referring to the "other woman" as the witch is just in place of using her name. I do not like referring to her by name because my Wife can't stand the sight or sound of it. When we talk about it, we always refer to her as something besides her name because we don't want to speak it. I chose "the Witch" just for something to call her. I believe some of what I wrote above should help you understand why I have hatred towards her. I do appreciate the comment about respecting myself. This is something that I do have a problem with. I never thought of myself as someone with a lack of self respect. Maybe I didn't have before everything happened. I guarantee I do now. You said that there are ways to deal with this situation. I would love to hear suggestions. My Wife and I are really trying. I believe that we are doing good, but anything that could help us more would be welcome.
I want to thank both commenter's for what they said. My Wife was afraid that I would be upset. On the contrary, I look for help. I am trying to be a better person for my wife, family and myself. I would never get mad at a comment. I do feel that some of what I said was taken the wrong way. Maybe I didn't state things well enough in my earlier post. Either way, I apologize if I came off as blaming someone else for what I did. I hope you have read some of my earlier posts. I feel that I have always taken the blame on myself. I want to thank both of the individuals who left comments for supporting us in our journey to beat the odds. To show that if a person is truly repentant, that they can make it past this. That they can repair what they have broken, and someday, maybe even be forgiven.
I got some really interesting comments from my last post. I do appreciate your comments so please keep them coming. On the other side, I believe that I should explain myself due to the fact that some things were obviously taken out of context.
Ms. Very Stupid - Of course I hate the other woman. Am I supposed to not? I am not blaming her for what happened, you are correct. It is my fault and mine alone! I have taken full blame for everything that has happened from the beginning. OK, what I did was wrong. My issue with her is that after I broke it off with her, she would not let it go. She did terrible things to intentionally hurt my wife years after everything was over. I know there is probably a lot that we have not gone in to detail on. To be honest I really don't feel like going in to a lot of detail on it either. All I will say is this. I made a mistake and tried to repair my relationship. She tried to keep that from happening, and that I blame her for. My wife knows what the "other woman" looks like. So the fact that I say she is not attractive is no surprise to her. I was just making general comments about how I feel. I guarantee anyone else in my position would feel the same way. I will say again, in no way did I mean to come across as blaming her. What happened is my fault.
Laane - Me referring to the "other woman" as the witch is just in place of using her name. I do not like referring to her by name because my Wife can't stand the sight or sound of it. When we talk about it, we always refer to her as something besides her name because we don't want to speak it. I chose "the Witch" just for something to call her. I believe some of what I wrote above should help you understand why I have hatred towards her. I do appreciate the comment about respecting myself. This is something that I do have a problem with. I never thought of myself as someone with a lack of self respect. Maybe I didn't have before everything happened. I guarantee I do now. You said that there are ways to deal with this situation. I would love to hear suggestions. My Wife and I are really trying. I believe that we are doing good, but anything that could help us more would be welcome.
I want to thank both commenter's for what they said. My Wife was afraid that I would be upset. On the contrary, I look for help. I am trying to be a better person for my wife, family and myself. I would never get mad at a comment. I do feel that some of what I said was taken the wrong way. Maybe I didn't state things well enough in my earlier post. Either way, I apologize if I came off as blaming someone else for what I did. I hope you have read some of my earlier posts. I feel that I have always taken the blame on myself. I want to thank both of the individuals who left comments for supporting us in our journey to beat the odds. To show that if a person is truly repentant, that they can make it past this. That they can repair what they have broken, and someday, maybe even be forgiven.
I don't know about everything. but, I did read this post and glanced down at the other.
Maybe I shouldn't say anything but if I were in your wife's shoes I wouldn't want my husband discussing this on a blog.
That would hurt me almost as badly as the act itself.
I really hope you guys get things worked out. but, after almost 30 years of being married I can tell you both this.
Some times it truly is best to just forgive, forget, and move on.
No marriage that makes it for a long long time and yes even a life time...doesn't have serious issues that they have over come!!
Blessings to you both and good luck!!
~Jackie:-)
Something that you mentioned in your post about the hatred you have for "the other woman" - there is a fine line between love and hate and both are emotions. It is when you can let go of the hatred that things will get better. No emotion - hatred means there is still feelings - even for your wife - there is still emotion. When you can let go completely of those feelings and not hate you will be suprised at how good you both feel. I am only speaking from experience with an ex-husband and his wife and what they had put me through. I have no feelings of hatred anylonger as it takes up WAY TOO MUCH OF MY PRECIOUS TIME and once I realized that it was like the whole world was taken off my chest. Just my two cents worth...
Not my business, but since it is out in the world on a blog...
If you don't acknowledge and deal with the anger that led to the affair, betrayal will happen again. Maybe in some other form. An affair happens to a marriage, not to an individual. Ask yourself, what made you feel distant from your wife? How could you close the gap? What made you fell resentful or belittled? Remember that your wife can't read your mind. If something hurts you, you need to say so.
The other woman is nothing and nobody. Forget about her and any anger or other feelings you may have toward her. She'sprobably a damaged person, too, but that is not your problem. Your problem is finding and acknowledging your real feelings within your marriage.