Happily Ever After

~W~


Tonight I'll be going out with my husband to celebrate New Years. I think it's a great time to make resolutions and start a new beginning. This year is no exception. I'll be thinking of a resolution. Maybe I'll post it here. I wonder what everyone else's resolutions will be this year? Post yours if you feel like it. Just comment back with YOUR resolution. Give me some suggestions as well. :) I don't need to lose weight. haha If anything people tell me to gain. So...it can't be weight loss. It could have something to do with my marriage perhaps. I am not sure yet though. So post yours. Give me ideas. Thanks!

~W~

It needs to be stated that our whole life does not revolve around this situation. We do have a very normal life raising our children and keeping a happy home. We went to the mall and browsed around tonight. I got a cute headband to wear tomorrow night for New Year's Eve. I am very anxious to go out and have a good time.

The hubby and I are so much more attentive to one another these days. Someone would suspect we were a new couple rather than one married for many years with a few children. haha Today has been a good day. I am more madly in love with my husband today than ever. I am without any doubt he feels the same. We have our next marriage counseling appointment on the 8th of January. I am actually looking forward to it. I think it helps a lot.

In a marriage when something like this happens you really do examine everything and I have realized things had not been perfect between us for some time. There is never any excuse or justification for an affair but I can now be more aware of things that might cause problems or lead to something like this happening.

Anyway, I see we aren't getting comments. Please feel free. We are actually anxious to get outside opinions, thoughts on what we are writing. Say what you feel and maybe we'll address it in a new post. Don't be afraid of this topic. We aren't anymore. It's something right out there in the open so if you want to ask, please do!

~H~

Well, the year is almost over. My Wife and I are going to go out for New Years tomorrow. This will be only the second time in all the time that we have been married that we have gone "out" on New Years. We have always tried to spend New Years with our children and family. This year we decided to celebrate it as a couple. I am looking forward to being able to spend some one on one time with her. I can't wait for that Midnight, Happy New Years kiss.

2009 will definitely signify a change in our lives. The year for our marriage to be repaired. I hope with all my heart that with time, and counseling we will be able to put this horrible past way behind us. I love my wife more than anyone could ever understand. How I was able to do what I have done... well,...I can't even answer that one myself. My wife wants to know how I fell out of love with her. The truth, is that I didn't. I have always loved her. Even during that time in my life I loved her. Somehow I was able to put my entire past life to the back of my mind. This is an ability that I wish I did not have. I feel guilt, and shame for what I have done and I have been dealing with that for years.

If I could give advice to anyone out there it would be this. Think about your actions and the future of them. Do not live in the here and now. Think about the day you got married. How beautiful your bride looked coming down that aisle. The smile on her face. The first time you made love to her. The birth of your children and the pain she endured. The times you were sick and how she cared for you. The way your children worship their mother and the guidance they look for in her. The way she makes you feel when she kisses you. If you can think of these things and still be unfaithful, then there might just be some problems in your marriage that need addressed now. A counselor is a great way to express what you are feeling. They do not judge, they just listen. Believe it or not, that really helps. Don't be afraid to seek out help before it is to late. My wife is an incredible woman who is giving me a second chance. Not all women would be this way. If there is something bothering you in your marriage than talk it out. Don't keep it inside. If your partner is not receptive to talking it out, then get help from a counselor or church. You would be surprised at how much other people are willing to help without judging you. Most of all, show each other daily how much you love each other. Don't get into lazy routines. Make every day exciting. I know I will from now on because there may not be a tomorrow.

~W~

My husband and I write this blog as a way to heal. It's our diary of sorts. He can say what he needs to say. I can say what I want to say. He might even get a deeper look into my thoughts. It is sometimes easier for me to write what I mean instead of saying it out loud. I think he has the same advantage. I like reading what he writes. We had this idea as another way to repair whatever went wrong between us. The hardest part about all of this is we HAD gotten better. He got off the road and for the past two years our relationship and love has just been amazing. Then I found out for sure about what had happened and to me it feels like it JUST happened.

It is hard adjusting to these new horrible thoughts and yet loving your husband unconditionally at the same time. I think obviously there were issues not dealt with in our marriage, and at the top of the list was him traveling way too much. He got used to life without me and our children. He got used to it and I think felt like a bachelor. I got used to living alone and when he came home it seemed though he was telling me what I did wrong without him. To him it seemed like I no longer needed him. Both of us were just assuming and it caused fights. It set us down a very dangerous path. Both of us know that if we had a do over he'd stay home. He would have never traveled. I think it's dangerous. At least not for weeks at a time like he did. It's hard for any marriage to stand up to it. Even if there is no affair the relationship itself suffers.

I want to keep our love alive forever. It's going to take time to recover from this but I want our relationship to be stronger and more full than ever before. I think I myself got sort of cozy in my marriage. I feared nothing and just went through the motions. I don't take anything for granted anymore. I have learned and he has learned his own lessons. I know that divorce is pretty much a very common thing these days. It would be so easy for me to do the same. Staying here is HARD. I cannot express how hard it is. My love for him keeps me here and my hope that he will now be the best husband in the world. Rules have changed for him for the time being and honestly he is OK with it. Hopefully some day we will not look back on this with such sorrow but as the day we realized our marriage needed some work and the time we got stronger and fell more in love than ever before.

~H~

Well, I know we kind of started this blog sounding all happy and perfect. If you read about why we started it, you might be kind of curious. I do not plan on going through a lot of details but I hope that someone out there will learn from what we write and not make the same mistakes.

My wife and I have been married a long time. I love her very much which is why this is very difficult for me to talk about. I was a "Traveling Husband", and yes before you can say anything that is scary. I was traveling for work and was not spending a lot of time at home. I took this position with my company in hopes to advance my career and improve my families lifestyle. WAKE UP CALL, traveling is never a good thing. I missed a lot of my families activities and my children's growing up. My traveling did not start off too bad. As the months progressed it got real bad. I ended up having an affair on my wife. I have been keeping it secret, living with the guilt and disgust for many years. My wife had always had suspicions, but I kept lying to her to make it go away. Recently someone decided to send my wife a message confirming the affair. I could not lie any more, so I told her everything! She was leaving me. I have never been the type of person to beg, but I was on my face instantly. Begging her to stay and talk with me. By the grace of God she did. We have been working threw this terrible thing and I wish with all of my heart that I could take it back. My wife is one of the strongest women I know, and she proves it more everyday.

Now for those of you out there who think she is a fool for staying with me, I don't blame you. If the roles were reversed I only hope that I could be as strong as her. As for anyone who is in my position, I feel your pain. For anyone out there who spends a lot of time away from there family, STOP! It is not worth it. My wife is my Soulmate and I almost through that away. It is rare in today's world to find that perfect match for you. I have found mine, and betrayed her at the same time. As I post on this blog I will tell some minor details and what kind of signs to look for. It is my prayer that I might be able to prevent just one person from making the same mistakes I have. Not just in this situation, but in my marriage and in life.

~W~

For future reference, the reason we put H and W on the posts is simply so you know who is writing. This is me, the wife. Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. New Year's Eve is upon us and my birthday is soon approaching as well. I am ready to be out with my husband and have a great time. We have been through much in the past few years. Our love has been put to the test and I believe we have prevailed. I know I love him more today than I did even the day I married him. I was given great advice by some elderly women at my bridal shower, 13 years ago. I was told to never go to bed mad. I think that applies to not just bed. Don't leave for work mad. Don't leave it that way. It's so dangerous. Honestly if I can give any advice it would be to sit down, admit your OWN wrongs, instead of focusing on the spouse's wrongs. Let your spouse say what he did wrong in an argument and you should state what you could have done better. It doesn't matter who is right, or wrong. It's about compromise. It's about meeting in the middle. You need to see that you can indeed be wrong. You have to know you are not the only person in a relationship. Love is not enough to hold a relationship together. I am sorry if some do not agree but it is true. Marriage does absolutely need love to stay together but it needs more than that. It takes strength, dedication and commitment to make it work. You have to be willing to compromise and to work things out even if you think you are totally in the right. This must be done from BOTH sides though. And, if you are the one who is wrong you need to be able to step up to the plate and admit it. Humble yourself. Show your spouse how much you love them. Open up and show your true feelings. A little goes a long way.

H~ Well, it is the day after Christmas, but the shopping is not over yet. My wifes Birthday is coming up and I decided to take her shopping. Now I do not believe in letting her pick out all of her own Birthday presents. Even though she might like to, I always make sure to surprise her with at least a few gifts to unwrap. She always hated having a Birthday so close to Christmas so I always make sure to seperate the two. The whole family went out to eat then shopping. When we left the restaurant we were in traffic and there was a jeep in front of us. The couple in the jeep started kissing. It reminded me of how we were years ago. So, I had to lean over and do the same. I bet other people around were wondering why everyone was kissing at the stop light! We then did some shopping and I took her to get a manicure. I think she had a good time. We are going out again to dinner and a movie later just the two of us, but this was some good family time. I have definitely realized that no matter how much time goes by, I am still completely in Love with my wife. I think that says something for as long as we have been together, especially in today's world of divorce. I can't wait for our Birthday date!

This blog has been created by a husband and wife. Sometimes I the wife will post...and sometimes the husband will post. I'll be "W" and hubby will be "H". We aren't using names on this blog. It's something we have decided to do to help us and to help others. We've experienced many trials in our life. There is one thing we know for sure through it all and that is how much we love each other. We know we are soul mates. We've been married for thirteen years and have children together. We hope that our own experiences, ups and downs might help other marriages and help ours to grow and blossom as well.