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Keeping the Love Alive


My husband and I write this blog as a way to heal. It's our diary of sorts. He can say what he needs to say. I can say what I want to say. He might even get a deeper look into my thoughts. It is sometimes easier for me to write what I mean instead of saying it out loud. I think he has the same advantage. I like reading what he writes. We had this idea as another way to repair whatever went wrong between us. The hardest part about all of this is we HAD gotten better. He got off the road and for the past two years our relationship and love has just been amazing. Then I found out for sure about what had happened and to me it feels like it JUST happened.

It is hard adjusting to these new horrible thoughts and yet loving your husband unconditionally at the same time. I think obviously there were issues not dealt with in our marriage, and at the top of the list was him traveling way too much. He got used to life without me and our children. He got used to it and I think felt like a bachelor. I got used to living alone and when he came home it seemed though he was telling me what I did wrong without him. To him it seemed like I no longer needed him. Both of us were just assuming and it caused fights. It set us down a very dangerous path. Both of us know that if we had a do over he'd stay home. He would have never traveled. I think it's dangerous. At least not for weeks at a time like he did. It's hard for any marriage to stand up to it. Even if there is no affair the relationship itself suffers.

I want to keep our love alive forever. It's going to take time to recover from this but I want our relationship to be stronger and more full than ever before. I think I myself got sort of cozy in my marriage. I feared nothing and just went through the motions. I don't take anything for granted anymore. I have learned and he has learned his own lessons. I know that divorce is pretty much a very common thing these days. It would be so easy for me to do the same. Staying here is HARD. I cannot express how hard it is. My love for him keeps me here and my hope that he will now be the best husband in the world. Rules have changed for him for the time being and honestly he is OK with it. Hopefully some day we will not look back on this with such sorrow but as the day we realized our marriage needed some work and the time we got stronger and fell more in love than ever before.


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