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Finding True Love


So I am sure many who have read our blog are confused. Maybe you are curious. What I need to state right off the bat is the affair was four years ago. It was a short term thing. I had suspicions pretty much immediately. I read a lot of things online about signs and what to watch for. I tried to deny it to myself. I love this man. I love him with every ounce of my being. It's always been us. We have been together so long. I always trusted him up to this point. Suddenly that trust felt broken and I had no real reason why other than feelings.
It didn't take long before I started finding true evidence that was always quickly explained away. I was always comforted and hugged. He rarely ever showed any temper about my suspicions. Things spiraled out of control. He suddenly went through a major depression over things. He was feeling guilty about not being a good husband. You must understand he was always an amazing husband. Our relationship was so good and we were so close. Then when he started traveling we suddenly started arguing more. Then he would become upset about the smallest things. I always felt like I was defending myself. He did what he wanted and I stayed home. There were plenty of signs.
When he went through his depression he was on the road. He called me a lot. He wrote me poems and sent them to me. He professed his love to me so much and I wasn't sure how to take it all. I know now why he was depressed.
My husband was the guy everyone wanted to be. He would help anyone who needed it. He was the good Samaritan. The man with the family and the stable home. Then he left. Things changed. I regret making the decision to allow him to travel. It was to be just a short time but they kept him out there longer. He was lonely but I scream to myself it wasn't my fault! I wanted him here. I missed him, needed him.
There is nothing I can do to change anything and honestly nothing has been easy. It's been very hard and the feelings I have and the millions of different emotions I experience in a day are so overwhelming sometimes I just cry and cry to let it out. Then I will feel better for awhile. The thing is he changed a long time ago. I only just had my suspicions confirmed about it recently so it feels fresh, like it just happened. It didn't. Our relationship has improved and we were doing so amazing then it came out. Don't hold onto the secrets if you are confronted. It can destroy what you work so hard for. It wasn't easy. I am going through all of this on a day by day basis. I can't say how things will go but I know one thing for sure. This man is my soul mate. He is the love of my life. I am betrayed and destroyed by what he did. I can see the love in his eyes for me. I know I see repentance as well.
He suggested marriage counseling himself and we are going now. He confessed it all in tears to our therapist. So we are working on it. I think despite all the other horrible things we have ONE major strength. Our love. It is undying. I cannot stop loving him anymore than I can stop being human. So we work on it. We will get past it all somehow, some day. Until then we take it one step at a time.


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