Hardest Part
Saturday, January 10, 2009 by Soul Mates 95
~W~
I think one of the hardest parts of this whole thing is how it makes me think back and wonder and doubt our relationship as a whole...or least huge chunks of it. My husband gets defensive and of course that makes me more angry. I love my husband and I really hate thinking about what things led up to the affair or the feelings of blaming myself or wondering what I did wrong, or how I didn't measure up.
Thinking I did nothing doesn't help either. Then I realize I could do nothing to stop it. There was nothing I could have done, no matter of perfection I could have achieved. It would have still happened. For it to be *just sex* also enrages me. I guess I feel that is something we as married people should just know is not an option. Not only that but shouldn't we resist even if we have that temptation? Why would we not? It's so confusing and hard to put into words. Once you cross this line there is no turning back. It's hard to fix and there is a lot of hurt, tears, depression and anger left in your wake. So before you cross that line you need to think twice and realize maybe what you have is worth honoring and respecting. Nothing is so bad that you need to cheat. If you are at that point, stop. Question yourself. Can your marriage problems be fixed? If not...deal with that first. Do not cross that line of fidelity. Either work it out, or leave but cheating only makes things more difficult and makes it harder whether you stay or go.
I think one of the hardest parts of this whole thing is how it makes me think back and wonder and doubt our relationship as a whole...or least huge chunks of it. My husband gets defensive and of course that makes me more angry. I love my husband and I really hate thinking about what things led up to the affair or the feelings of blaming myself or wondering what I did wrong, or how I didn't measure up.
Thinking I did nothing doesn't help either. Then I realize I could do nothing to stop it. There was nothing I could have done, no matter of perfection I could have achieved. It would have still happened. For it to be *just sex* also enrages me. I guess I feel that is something we as married people should just know is not an option. Not only that but shouldn't we resist even if we have that temptation? Why would we not? It's so confusing and hard to put into words. Once you cross this line there is no turning back. It's hard to fix and there is a lot of hurt, tears, depression and anger left in your wake. So before you cross that line you need to think twice and realize maybe what you have is worth honoring and respecting. Nothing is so bad that you need to cheat. If you are at that point, stop. Question yourself. Can your marriage problems be fixed? If not...deal with that first. Do not cross that line of fidelity. Either work it out, or leave but cheating only makes things more difficult and makes it harder whether you stay or go.
