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Normal Thoughts and Emotions


There really is no guide book to getting past something like this. I can't begin to explain the wide range of emotions you feel. One moment I feel sad and betrayed like you cannot imagine. I feel like someone died and then others I am so mad I literally imagine breaking out all the windows in my house and run screaming down the street. I want to scream inside. I want to just understand why and how someone could do this. I don't get it. I repeatedly say I do not get it. I do not understand how someone can forget everything they've tried so hard to build. I don't understand how someone can throw it all away in an instant for physical gratification.

I love my husband beyond compare and I want to trust and have faith again. I long to build our relationship into a relationship that is stronger and more equal than ever before but it's not easy. What we have going for us is that we are both wanting to try. I never thought this would be me. I feared it as much as the next man or woman I think...but I always thought "we" were different. I may have even looked down at those that went through it. I know that pride comes before a I do regret any pride I had. On the other hand shouldn't we be proud of our marriage? Our love? What's so wrong with it? I guess I have very conflicting thoughts and emotions and it's very overwhelming at times.

We talk a lot. We hug and kiss a lot and really just try to get everything out there in the open. The marriage counseling helps and also proves to me how hard my husband is trying. So each day I hope we move closer and closer to putting this behind us. It won't ever be forgotten I do not think and that makes me sad but I do believe it won't be at the front of my mind someday. I long for that day.


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