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The New Year


We had a very good time last night for New Years. Kissing my wife at the stroke of midnight felt really special. I will say that the thought that I almost threw it all away did enter my mind. There were moments that were very difficult for me and I could see in my wife's eyes, that she had some bad thoughts also. I will honestly say that is the worst part for me. Knowing that the woman I love so much has a justified reason for thinking terrible thoughts about me is difficult to handle. If I had one wish, it would be that I could take the pain away from her. Hopefully that will come with time.

My wife looked incredibly beautiful last night. Not that she doesn't always look beautiful, but she had a glow about her. I think she was actually happy for a little while, and was able to temporarily forget about the past and be content in the here and now. I like it when that happens even if just for a little while. We still talked about what happened a little during the evening but we held together strong throughout the night.

Well, the new year is here and I am looking forward to it. I hope my wife and I are able to strengthen our relationship this year beyond belief. We have more counseling coming up which I plan on continuing throughout the year. I feel it does both my wife and myself good to be able to talk about our feelings with an outside party. I will say that it is hard for me due to the shame of it all. I do deserve the shame I feel since I brought it on myself. I just hope that as time goes on, I can make it up to her. She deserves better, and I think I am up to the challenge of making her happy for the rest of her life!


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